Children's Online Safety

Growing Up in a Digital World

Today's children encounter technology from a very young age. Tablets, smartphones, gaming consoles, and smart speakers are part of the fabric of daily life. This is not inherently a bad thing. Technology offers incredible opportunities for learning, creativity, and connection. But just as we teach children to look both ways before crossing the street, we need to teach them how to navigate the digital world safely.

The goal is not to keep children away from technology altogether. It is to help them develop the skills, judgment, and habits they need to use it well. This starts with open, ongoing conversations and grows into a foundation of digital literacy that will serve them for the rest of their lives.

Age-Appropriate Digital Literacy

What a child needs to know about technology changes as they grow. A five-year-old needs different guidance than a twelve-year-old, and a teenager faces challenges that are entirely different from either. The key is to match your conversations and expectations to your child's developmental stage.

Young Children (Ages 3-7)

At this stage, children are just beginning to interact with screens. The focus should be on supervised, intentional use. Help them understand that not everything they see on a screen is real, that some content is made for grown-ups, and that they should always tell a trusted adult if something makes them feel scared or uncomfortable. Keep devices in shared spaces where you can see what they are doing, and choose apps and content together.

Older Children (Ages 8-12)

As children gain more independence, they start encountering a wider range of content and may begin communicating with others online through games or messaging. This is a good time to teach them about personal information and why it matters. Help them understand that they should never share their full name, school, address, phone number, or location with strangers online. Introduce the concept of thinking before they post or send something, because digital actions can be permanent.

Teenagers (Ages 13+)

Teens are developing their identities and social lives, and much of this happens online. The conversations at this stage shift toward more complex topics like reputation, peer pressure, consent in digital spaces, and critical thinking about the information they encounter. Rather than trying to control every interaction, focus on helping them develop their own judgment. Ask questions, listen without judgment, and be someone they feel safe coming to when something goes wrong.

Starting Conversations About Online Safety

Many parents find it difficult to talk to their children about online safety. It can feel awkward, especially if you are not confident about technology yourself. The good news is that you do not need to be a tech expert to have these conversations. You just need to be curious, open, and willing to listen.

Here are some approaches that work well:

• Make it ongoing, not a one-time lecture. The most effective conversations happen naturally over time. Ask your child what they did online today the same way you might ask about their day at school. Show genuine interest in the games they play, the videos they watch, and the people they talk to.
• Use real situations as teaching moments. When you hear about a news story involving online safety, or when something comes up in a show you are watching together, use it as a jumping-off point. "What would you do if that happened to you?" is a powerful question.
• Share your own experiences. Tell your children about a suspicious email you received, or a time you saw something misleading online. This normalizes the conversation and shows them that everyone has to think critically about what they encounter.
• Avoid fear-based messaging. Saying "the internet is dangerous" shuts down conversation. Instead, frame it positively: "The internet is an amazing tool, and I want to make sure you know how to use it safely."
• Listen more than you talk. If your child tells you about something uncomfortable that happened online, resist the urge to immediately take away their device. Thank them for telling you, ask how they feel, and work through the situation together. If they fear punishment, they will stop coming to you.

Parental Controls: A Tool, Not a Solution

Parental control software and built-in device restrictions can be helpful, especially for younger children. They can filter inappropriate content, limit screen time, and give you visibility into your child's online activity. But they have real limitations, and relying on them alone is a mistake.

No filter is perfect. Children are resourceful and will eventually find ways around technical restrictions, whether by using a friend's device, discovering workarounds, or simply growing older than the controls were designed for. More importantly, parental controls do not teach children how to make good decisions on their own.

Think of parental controls as training wheels. They provide support while your child is still learning, but the goal is to build the skills that make the training wheels unnecessary. As your child demonstrates good judgment and earns trust, gradually reduce restrictions and increase their independence. This transition should be a conversation, not something that happens overnight.

When you do use parental controls, be transparent about it. Explain to your child what the controls do and why you are using them. Secret monitoring can damage trust, and trust is the foundation of everything else in this guide.

Social Media Readiness

One of the most common questions parents face is when their child should be allowed to use social media. There is no single right answer, because readiness depends on the individual child, not just their age. While most social media platforms set a minimum age of thirteen, meeting the age requirement does not automatically mean a child is ready.

Consider these questions when evaluating your child's readiness:

• Can they handle peer conflict well? Social media amplifies social dynamics. If your child struggles with in-person social situations, those challenges will likely be magnified online.
• Do they understand that things posted online can be permanent? Even "disappearing" content can be screenshotted and shared. A child who is ready for social media grasps this concept.
• Can they come to you when something upsets them? A child who has a pattern of open communication with you is better prepared for the challenges of social media.
• Do they understand the difference between public and private information? Can they identify what should and should not be shared with strangers?
• Can they think critically about what they see? Social media is full of edited images, misleading content, and curated versions of reality. A child who can recognize this is better equipped to use these platforms.

When you do decide the time is right, consider starting with a shared or supervised account. Explore the platform together, set up privacy settings, and establish clear expectations about behavior, screen time, and what to do if something goes wrong.

Cyberbullying Awareness and Response

Cyberbullying is the use of technology to repeatedly harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. It can take many forms, including hurtful messages, spreading rumors, sharing embarrassing photos, or deliberately excluding someone from online groups. Because it happens through screens, it can follow a child everywhere and feel inescapable.

Signs that your child may be experiencing cyberbullying include sudden reluctance to use their devices, becoming upset after being online, withdrawing from friends or activities, changes in mood or sleep patterns, or being secretive about their online activity.

If your child is being cyberbullied:

• Believe them and take it seriously. Even if the situation seems minor to you, it matters to your child. Dismissing their feelings will make them less likely to come to you in the future.
• Do not blame them. Children sometimes worry that they caused the bullying or that they will get in trouble for being online. Reassure them that it is not their fault.
• Document everything. Take screenshots of hurtful messages, posts, or interactions. This evidence may be needed later if you involve the school or authorities.
• Help them block the bully. Most platforms have tools to block and report users. Walk through this process together.
• Involve the school if classmates are involved. Many schools have policies and staff trained to address cyberbullying.
• Consider professional support. If the bullying has significantly affected your child's well-being, a counselor or therapist can help them process the experience.

It is equally important to talk to your child about not being a bystander. If they see someone being bullied online, encourage them to speak up, support the person being targeted, or report the behavior. And have honest conversations about their own behavior, too. Sometimes children do not realize that something they said or shared was hurtful.

Digital Citizenship

Digital citizenship is about being a responsible, respectful, and thoughtful member of online communities. Just as we teach children to be kind and fair in the physical world, we need to help them understand how to carry those values into their digital lives.

Key principles of digital citizenship include:

• Treat others with respect. Behind every screen name is a real person with real feelings. Encourage your child to communicate online the same way they would in person.
• Think before you share. Would they be comfortable with their teacher, grandparent, or future self seeing this post? If not, it is probably best not to share it.
• Give credit where it is due. Using someone else's work, whether it is art, writing, music, or ideas, without permission or credit is not okay. Help children understand and respect creative ownership.
• Stand up for others. If they see someone being treated unfairly online, they have the power to make a difference by speaking up or reporting the behavior.
• Protect their own information and respect others' privacy. This means not sharing photos of friends without permission, not spreading gossip, and understanding that everyone deserves control over their own personal information.

Building Healthy Tech Habits

Healthy technology habits are not just about limiting screen time, though that can be part of it. They are about helping children develop a balanced, intentional relationship with their devices.

• Model the behavior you want to see. Children learn far more from what you do than what you say. If you want your child to put their phone away during dinner, put yours away too. If you want them to be thoughtful about what they share online, demonstrate that yourself.
• Create tech-free zones and times. Bedrooms at night, the dinner table, and family outings are common choices. These boundaries help everyone in the family, not just the children.
• Encourage active over passive use. Creating, building, learning, and communicating are generally healthier uses of technology than endlessly scrolling through a feed. Help your child find apps, games, and activities that engage them creatively.
• Help them notice how technology makes them feel. Ask questions like, "How do you feel after spending an hour on that app?" or "Do you feel better or worse after watching those videos?" Building this self-awareness is a skill that will serve them well into adulthood.
• Make offline activities equally appealing. The best counter to excessive screen time is a life full of interesting things to do. Sports, hobbies, outdoor play, reading, and time with friends all give children reasons to put the screen down naturally.

When to Give a Child Their First Device or Account

Deciding when to give a child their own phone, tablet, email address, or social media account is a deeply personal decision that depends on your family's values, your child's maturity, and their practical needs. There is no universally right age, but there are helpful ways to think through the decision.

Consider the purpose first. Does your child need a phone for safety reasons, such as walking home from school or staying in touch during activities? A basic phone or a phone with limited functionality may meet that need without all the risks that come with a full smartphone. Need does not have to mean full access.

Think about readiness, not just age. A child who demonstrates responsibility with shared devices, follows household rules consistently, and communicates openly with you is showing signs of readiness. A child who frequently hides their activity or struggles with impulse control may need more time and support first.

When you do decide the time is right:

• Set up the device together. Go through privacy settings, install agreed-upon apps, and configure any parental controls together. This is a learning opportunity, not something to do behind closed doors.
• Establish a family technology agreement. Write down the expectations, including when and where the device can be used, what is and is not appropriate, and what happens if the agreement is broken. Our Family Planning guide can help with this.
• Start with limited access and expand over time. You can always give more freedom as trust is established. It is much harder to take privileges away than to grant them gradually.
• Check in regularly. The first device is the beginning of an ongoing conversation, not the end of one. Schedule regular check-ins to see how things are going, adjust rules as needed, and address any concerns.

Remember that this decision is not permanent. If things are not going well, it is okay to step back, adjust the approach, and try again. The goal is to guide your child toward independence at a pace that works for them and for your family.